Vol. 3 Num 6 , October 2003
From Linda Evans Shepherd
Right to the Heart

Back to E-Zine Table of Contents

In this issue:

Right From My Heart by Linda Evans Shepherd, publisher
— Not Mr. Right but Mr. Snake

Love Notes by Rebekah Montgomery, editor
— The Gospel According to Little Red Writing Good or Seven Unique Temptations Faced by Women Who Minister

Words for the Wise: Quotes you can use

Leading Hearts by Kris Bearss
— Storm Warnings for Leaders

Readers Write
— "My husband has left me and our four preschool children for a young woman…”

Program Ideas
— What Works . . .
— in ministering to women who've miscarried . . . by Dena J. Dyer
— in reaching post-abortive women . . . By Tricia Goyer
— in moving beyond divorce . . . By Kari West
— in starting a Bible study . . . By Carol Porter and Mike Hamel

Feature
— Soul Sister — Developing a Trustworthy Ministry Confidante
by Rebekah Montgomery, editor

From the Bookshelf
— Reviews of the newest releases

Contributing Authors

How to Subscribe

Not Mr. Right But Mr. Snake!

Imagine Mr. Snake slithering along your path. Given the chance, his venom would paralyze you. Once you were under his power, he would hope to crush out your life and then swallow you whole. YIKES!

But what if you’ve already been bitten? What’s the antidote? Actually, it’s this: Turn from your sin.

2 Timothy 3:6 says: “For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses.” In other words, that snake in your garden gets his power to capture you from the snare of your very own sin.

Did you know that the first sin was committed not by Eve, but by God’s most beloved angel, the fallen angel we know as that old serpent Lucifer? Lucifer, reputedly the former director of the heavenly choir, first deceived himself by thinking he could be like God. However, his own deception got him kicked out of heaven when he lost the war he staged against God and his angels.

It’s not surprising that he used the same “be like God” line on Eve in the Garden of Eden. Though the wages of sin is death, that old snake told Eve that if she disobeyed God, she would be like God. However, when Eve bit into sin, her eyes were indeed open. She could see that her sin had separated her from God.

The same thing happens today. For Timothy, in the third chapter of his second book said, and I paraphrase, “Though silly women forever study, they never learn the truth.”

The truth is Jesus Christ gives us power over sin. For Jesus, the Son of God, defeated sin by living a sinless life. Then He died for our sin. In so doing, He took our punishment so we would no longer be separated from God. Finally, He defeated sin and death through his resurrection. When we believe and receive Jesus’ gift of grace we can know God.

Don’t be deceived by allowing yourself to be lulled into living a sinful life. For though Jesus paid for your sin, only you can choose to turn from it. Otherwise, you will allow that old snake the power to take you captive.

Yes, receive God’s forgiveness, but then live for Christ. When you fall and sin, repent and get up. Keep living for God. When you do, that snake in your garden will not have a voice to deceive you. You will be free to be the powerful woman God created you to be. When you discover God’s grace and break though the deception of sin, amazingly, that’s when you are most like Him after all.

The Gospel According to Little Red Writing Good
Or Seven Unique Temptations Faced by Women Who Minister

Once upon a time there was a young girl named Little Red Writing Good. Little Red Writing Good acquired her distinctive name because she wore her occupation — author, speaker, and women’s ministry director — along with the bright red fleece of the Lamb here, there, and everywhere to the point that she was known by it and her name was forgotten.

Temptation 1: Beware of adopting the identity of a “professional Christian” while losing your relationship with God.

Temptation 2: Beware of constantly playing the role of “professional Christian.” It will render you unable to relate to others. Many women’s leaders are out of touch because they have no friends except other ministry professionals.”

One day, Little Red Writing Good was sent to minister to her ailing grandmother. With the prerequisite gift basket dangling off of her arm and her heart brimming with good intentions, she tripped off into the woods on her errand. The warnings of her mother rang in her ears: “Stay on the straight and narrow path!” “Don’t talk to strangers!” “Beware of the Big Bad Wolf!”

Temptation 3: Beware of ministering alone! Find prayer and accountability partners who will walk through the dark times with you.

For a while, Little Red Writing Good made progress. Although the path was narrow and rough, with butterflies flitting, birds singing, and flowers blooming, it was so pretty in the woods that she forgot her mother’s warnings.

Temptation 4: Despite airport delays and the hassle of travel, it can be very flattering to be fawned over and feted. Beware that attention doesn’t turn your eyes off your mission!

Then out stepped the Big Bad Wolf. “Where are you going, Little Red Writing Good?” he asked. Forgetting to be cautious and happy to bear witness to her mission, she replied, “I’m going to visit my grandmother. She’s ill and I’m taking her this gift basket of goodies.”

Temptation 5: Do not assume every opportunity to further your ministry is from God. Some great opportunities are only placed in your path to divert you from God’s true calling — to be an obedient, loving child of God.

“Hmmm! Let’s see what you have in your gift basket,” said the wolf, pushing aside the cover.

Temptation 6: Beware of Satan’s questioning of the sufficiency of God’s spiritual gifts to you. Be certain of your calling and mission: trust God to supply the gifts.

The Wolf studied Little Red Writing Good’s basket. His mouth watered as he thought of devouring the girl and her gifts. “Wouldn’t your grandmother enjoy a bouquet of flowers? The prettiest flowers grow off the path!” he suggested. Little Red Writing Good looked at the flowers nodding in the distance. They DID look brighter and fresher than those growing along the path. Perhaps…

Temptation 7: Beware of substituting the world’s wisdom for God’s truth and entertainment for ministry.

“No,” said Little Red Writing Good. “I won’t be sidetracked or misled. Grandma is waiting.” So Little Red Writing Good stayed on the straight and narrow path and delivered her gifts to Grandma. And she and Grandma truly lived happily and eternally ever after!

Attention: Writers, speakers, teachers, pastors, and women who love the Bible!

Now is the time to make your knowledge of the Word come alive by learning the Bible in the land of the Bible. Rebekah Montgomery, editor of Right to the Heart of Women Ezine, in conjunction with Jerusalem University College are hosting a seminar created especially for you in Israel from March 20 to April 11, 2004.

For more information, contact Rebekah at rmontgomery@rebekahmontgomery.com

To make the choice to rejoice and tame that monster of discontent, we must recognize the Source of our strength: God is at work in us.
— Lindsey O’Connor

God wants strong women. But unforgiving, feminist attitudes do not produce strength; they hinder growth and fruit. Feminism often justifies its hard attitudes as “righteous indignation” over the behavior of men. But “righteous indignation” is often a euphemism for “rationalized unforgiveness.”
— Sue Haydon-Knowell

Everyone tormented by worries wants peace. But as I learned, we will not have peace during troubled times unless we have a thankful heart.
—Julie Morris

The main problem for women is not independence but serving inappropriately. Women have traditionally been the servants of the world. Serving has become almost instinctual. This does not mean, however, that we instinctively do it right! Jesus’ servanthood was completely unexpected. That’s what made it radical.
— Sheila Wray Gregoire

Whenever we get bitter and upset about a difficult situation, we need to end up on our knees, bringing the whole matter to the cross of Jesus Christ. There, the Son of God hung naked while He died in the most excruciating way possible, yet He gasped words of forgiveness.
— Jeanne Zornes

Storm Warnings for Leaders

“Ruthie” one of the Twenty-somethings I mentor, taught me an important lesson about what to do when you realize you’re headed for trouble: Tell someone!

Until I knew Ruthie, I believed accountability was being honest with someone after you’ve fallen. Or after the struggle was upon you. I thought accountability was about finding a partner to prevent temptation from overtaking you again. Or to weather a difficult time when you felt particularly weak. But Ruthie’s approach is better.

From Day One of our relationship, she sought me out as soon as storm clouds formed on her horizon — whether they were circumstantial clouds that might waylay her spiritual journey or threatening clouds in her own heart. This forethought has proved to be one of her greatest strengths.

By taking storm warnings seriously, we could batten down the hatches for what was to come and shelter her from the worst. She knew she was not alone humanly speaking; I was praying and walking with her through it. And I have seen her rise above the turbulence many, many times — bringing glory to God because she looked ahead and spoke up when trouble was stirring.

Transparency is tough! It not only takes humility but true self-awareness and sensitivity to the Spirit. I’ve tried it a few times and discovered just how much pride I have to give up to hint to vulnerability. It makes me appreciate Ruthie’s ways all the more.

Where are dark clouds funneling toward me? Will I tell a friend before the storm arrives? If I don’t seek shelter in time, what the devastation will be wreaked to God’s purposes — or to my heart? It’s a risk I don’t dare take lightly as a leader. None of us should. It is in our silence, our secrets, and our shame that the enemy gains real opportunity to damage us. If we stay in the Light, we can not only see the storms coming, but take shelter in our Father’s arms, the wisdom of His Word, and a trusted friend’s care. And those are the best protections of all.

A reader asks . . .
" My husband has left me and our four preschool children for a young woman who can give him her undivided attention. How do I overcome the bitterness I feel? How can I teach my children to respect their father when I think of him as an immature bum? How do I teach them that God is a loving but responsible father without casting dispersions on their own dad?"

Writes C. Hope Flinchbaugh:
Betrayal and rejection are two of life’s most bitter blows. Your husband has sinned terribly against God and you and your children and sin hurts. It hurts everyone and us. How you respond to his sin will equally impact you and your family.

Hebrews 12:15 says, “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.”

Bitter roots bear bitter fruits such as anger, resentment, judgments, and frustration at unmet expectations. Bitterness (even against a person who is totally at fault) causes trouble. If we hold onto unforgiveness, others around us pick up on our bitterness and it can infect them. It’s like having poison in the house and we should do anything we can to get rid of it!

Forgiveness is not a feeling; it’s an act of faith. It isn’t as impossible as it sounds. We can and should forgive by faith, even if our emotions haven’t caught up to God’s command to forgive. We can stop the root of bitterness by praying, “Father, by faith in Your power to do this, I forgive my husband for betraying me and being unfaithful. And Lord please forgive me for hating/judging/resenting my husband.”

After forgiving him by faith, we should pray for him, and when we’re ready, ask God to show us something kind we can do or say that will demonstrate our forgiveness.

Your precious children may be quietly wondering if it’s their fault that Daddy left. Small children are concrete thinkers. They don’t have the ability to distinguish the reasons behind their separation from their father. One way to help them understand is tell them, “Daddy’s heart is sick right now and he doesn’t want to talk to God. Sometimes he doesn’t want to talk to us either. We need to pray for Daddy that his heart won’t be sick anymore.”

There is a painting of a prodigal son collapsing into the embrace of Jesus. This would be a good picture to hang low enough for your children to see when they pray for their daddy. It can be a solid point of contact to build faith for Daddy’s return to Jesus. If at all possible, have them spend time with biological or spiritual grandparents whose marriages are working. They need to see a solid male role model during this difficult period.

One last thing: If trustworthy people offer to care for your children, take them up on it. If no one has offered, seek childcare help from close family members or church friends. Give yourself time away from responsibilities to grieve, breathe, and regroup your thoughts and friendships

Do you have a question that you’d like addressed by AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association)? Email your question to rmontgomery@rebekahmontgomery.com. Your anonymity will be protected.

Now that I'm involved in women's ministry, I am conscious of the ways the church can reach these hurting women and their husbands. One common misconception about miscarriage is that it's not a big deal, especially if it happens early in a pregnancy. But the loss is real and can be devastating, depending on the emotional makeup of the mother-to-be.

There are specific things you should not say to a woman who has lost a baby:
— "It’s all in God’s plan” or “Your baby is in Heaven.” What a grieving mother-to-be wants is a baby in her arms.
— “You can have more children.” After a miscarriage, couples fear that another pregnancy could be impossible for them. Further, another baby would never replace the child they lost.
— “It wasn’t God’s timing” or "it happens all the time.” Also, avoid “You’re young. You can try again.” These remarks minimize the loss.

There are some wonderful ways to help heal. First, pray for them and tell them that you are. Send a card or flowers. Be available to run errands. Offer to listen.

Remember the anniversary of the pregnancy loss and the due date. When the estimated birth date arrives, it brings a flood of memories, reminding the parents of the destroyed hopes and dreams. Send a bouquet, cook a meal, or call and assure the couple that you’re thinking about their loss.

Realize the impact Mother’s Day has on infertile women and those who have lost a child. A beautiful gesture is to have a special Mother’s Day corsage or single white rose available for women who have suffered these tragedies.

If a couple you know has suffered a pregnancy loss, ask the Lord to give you sensitivity to their situation. After all, the exact words you say are not as important the heart from which they come.

… in reaching post-abortive women …

By Tricia Goyer:
The pretty blonde stood in front of the church. “I had an abortion when I was 19.” Her eyes scanned the crowd. “And I will be leading a Bible study for others like me.”

My hands trembled. I was sure everyone around me could guess my secret. Yet a flicker of hope stirred. There’s someone like me — someone who knows this pain. I’d been a Christian for years, but the shame of an abortion at 15 heavily weighed on my heart. I had no idea other women also dealt with the same heartache.

Women Like Me
Each year, about 50 million women worldwide have abortions. In the U.S. alone, 43 percent of women will have an abortion by the time they are 45 years old. Yet for a Christian woman, it may feel like she’s the only one dealing with this issue. Church leaders often don’t know how to approach the subject for fear of stirring “controversy.” Yet women need hope. They need to hear that others have faced the same pain and have found forgiveness and healing.

Post-Abortion Healing
After an abortion, many cope through repression and denial. Oftentimes, this helps for 5, 10, even 20 years. But during her life, having children or facing infertility can bring suppressed feelings to light. Yet, before she realizes her pain, suppressed shame and guilt express themselves in many ways including low self-esteem, insomnia, nightmares, and flashbacks. It is common to turn to alcohol or drugs to numb the ache.

Steps to healing.
        Women do not need to remain suffering silent prisoners. According to J. Willke, there are five steps in the healing process:

1. Counter the denial. A woman must take responsibility, admitting she killed her baby.
   
2. Grieve over her lost child. Releasing pent-up tears often brings healing.
   
3. Seek divine forgiveness. In my case, it helped to realize Jesus’ grace was greater than my sin.
   
4. Forgive others. There are many people I resented for their part, including family members and my old boyfriend. I soon realized that this hatred hurt me the most.
   
5. Forgiving herself. Romans 6:16 states that “sin leads to death.” When I was able to forgive myself for believing Satan’s lies, I found inner peace that I’d not experienced in years. Afterwards, I knew I had to help others find the same peace.
   
6. Reaching Out. After my own healing, I led post-abortion groups using the book, Forgiven and Set Free by Linda Cochrane. I also share my testimony in person and through writing. My words of hope maybe exactly what another woman needs.

• · J. Willke, P.A.S. Five Steps on How You Can Help, Life Issues Connector, Mar. 1996

… in moving beyond divorce …

By Kari West:
Anger is a natural response to divorce. As a Christian, you have even more to process than anger because you also feel guilty about breaking a sacred covenant. I know. I believed my marriage would last. When I faced its unwanted demise 22 years later, I became instantly and intimately acquainted with anger.

Divorce punctured my soul as I packed away a lifetime of photo albums under the mental label of "Who I was." I questioned myself: Did unconditional love blind me to his fault? Why was I so naive? Could I ever trust again?

My former spouse and others discounted my pain. "Forget the past. Get on with your life," they advised. "Pray and read your Bible more. God has a ministry for you," a friend says. No one understood: I wanted my marriage and lifestyle back — not a ministry.

As you begin to pick up the pieces and live with what you have left, you can’t believe your former spouse is uncooperative, doesn’t wish you well, and treats you as a stranger. You feel vulnerable because this person knows how to wound and agitate you. Your mind is sunburned with thoughts too sensitive to touch.

You experience anger as one flesh separates into two single-again individuals. Maybe your former spouse is not-so-single, already snuggling in the arms of another, and your children blame you. This isn’t how you planned your life. You trusted God and you’re angry at Him. Where was He?

Four Ways to Handle Divorce Anger

1. Take responsibility for your life. Release the former spouse to live the way he chooses. You don’t need to know about their latest squeeze. Keep conversations short and strictly business. Refuse them the power to define who you truly are.
   
2. Choose the road leading toward forgiveness. Start by willingness. Forgiveness is your ticket out, freeing you to beyond the past and into your future. You do not need the other person's cooperation to forgive them. Giving up revenge is not about giving in but about letting go. Realize that forgiveness is an ongoing choice.
   
3. Celebrate what is left in your life. While you cannot change the "should haves," but you can change the way you think.
   
4. Give yourself permission to confront your feelings. Howl if you feel like it. Find someone trustworthy who is willing to listen, applaud your progress, and hold you accountable for letting go of unhealthy anger before it escalates into rage. Dare to pray for good to happen to the one who hurt you. Believe that you are still becoming the woman God created you to be.
   
   © Kari West 1997-2003

… in starting a Bible study …

Excerpts from Women’s Ministry Handbook by Carol Porter and Mike Hamel, Chariot Victor Publishing. Used with permission.

Begin with at least two women committed to the leadership of the Bible study. Pray fo others to join you on the leadership team. Five regular attenders are adequate to start a study group.

Determine whether the primary goal is to nurture believers of reach the lost.

Although Bible studies traditionally begin in the fall, with adequate publicity, you can start successfully at other times. Take the local school schedule into account.

An informal telephone survey will help you choose the best time and day for the study. The best place to meet is usually at the church itself. This makes assimilation into the church fellowship a natural step for newcomers.

Here are some possibilities for a format:
One-hour meeting options:

1. Bible discussion or lecture — 30 minutes: Fellowship/snack — 30 minutes
   
2. Fellowship/snack — 10 minutes: Bible discussion or lecture — 40 minutes: prayer — 10 minutes

Two-hour meeting options

1. Bible discussion or lecture — 45 minutes: sharing/testimonies — 15 minutes: crafts, missionary projects, aerobics — 45 minutes: fellowship/snacks — 10 minutes
   
2. Fellowship/snacks — 10 minutes: specified feature (e.g., crafts) — 30 minutes: Bible discussion or lecture — 50 minutes, prayer-and-share time in small groups — 30 minutes
   
3. Fellowship/snacks — 15 minutes: singing and announcements — 10 minutes: Bible teaching/lecture — 50 minutes: break — 10 minutes: discussion of lecture in small groups — 35 minutes

You may contribute to What Works by emailing rmontgomery@rebekahmontgomery.com. If we use your program or ministry tip, you will receive a FREE book of our choice.

Linda Evans Shepherd, the publisher of Right to the Heart of Women ezine, is a nationally known speaker and the author of over a dozen books. She is also the president of Right to the Heart Ministries (www.righttotheheart.com) and the founder and director of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association (www.awsawomen.com.)  Her radio feature, Right to the Heart, is heard on radio stations throughout the country. If you need a speaker, visit Linda’s website www.sheppro.com for details. If you are interested in attending a writing weekend with Linda, see Write Away Weekend under www.righttotheheartofwomen.com.

Rebekah Montgomery has over 30 years experience as a pastor/teacher. She is the author of six books, numerous magazine and newspaper articles, camp and Bible school curriculum, and was editor of 8 nationally known magazines. In addition to editing Right to the Heart of Women, Mrs. Montgomery writes a five-times-a-week e-mail inspirational column, Fresh News From Heaven. She speaks on a variety of subjects. Contact her at rmontgomery@rebekahmontgomery.com.

Kris Bearss is a veteran speaker, publishing professional and longtime mentor, Kris Bearss has written three books and dozens of articles. She is the Editorial Director at Integrity Publishers in Brentwood, TN, and is publisher of Leading Women™, a mentor-in-print that seeks to develop, equip and sustain Christian women in all arenas of leadership. To receive a free issue or to contact her to speak to your group, write to kdbearss@juno.com or P.O. Box 111, Brentwood, TN 37024-0111.

C Hope Flinchbaugh is the author of Bethany House novel Daughter of China and most recently a parenting book titled Spiritually Parenting Your Preschooler. You can read excerpts from the books on Hope's web site at www.seehope.com

Dena Dyer is a freelancer writer, speaker and actress with credits in over 125 magazines. For more information, visit her website at www.denadyer.com.

Tricia Goyer is the author of a new novel, From Dust and Ashes: A Story of Liberation (Moody Publishing). Tricia feels it’s no coincidence that themes of bondage, forgiveness, and hope are found within the pages of this novel. For more information go to www.thegoyers.com/dustandashes or email Tricia at fromdustandashes@hotmail.com

Kari West, author of Dare to Trust, Dare to Hope Again: Living With Losses of the Heart, and When He Leaves: Choosing to Live, Love, and Laugh Again. Links to articles on pornography, sexual addiction, affairs, deception, etc. can be found on her web site: www.gardenglories.com.

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